actual things women with beautiful skin have said to me

I collect these stories like pretty pebbles

With a tinge of sadness I speak this truth - in my world, at least, encountering a glowing woman with beautiful skin in real life is simply not usual. This is because of many, many societal reasons that we all already know, deep within our bones. Well rested women are not common, glowing women are not common, radiant women are not common. I’ve struggled with my skin for many years, and so, I always notice when someone else in flesh and blood has beautiful skin. Whenever I encounter a woman with clear, glowing skin, a luminous full moon visage, I always ask her what her secret is. And the things I hear stay on my mind for years to come. Pearls of beauty-full wisdom that almost always have nothing to do with which cream, serum or new product one must buy.

I don’t pay heed to skincare influencers, because skincare is highly personal and cannot be adopted from somebody online who is being paid to advertise sales. I was under the guidance of the lovely Dr Jaishree Sharad for a long time, and my visits to her clinic really taught me how adopting random skincare advice from people I do not even know is the least wise thing to do.

I don’t pay heed to women’s pictures online as examples of aspirational skin, because I’ve spent a decade being an ‘influencer’ myself (which is not a term I enjoy being associated with), and I know that pictures are never a true reflection of the state of our skin. I don’t lament that these pictures exist, I simply pay no heed. I love make up, I love an artistic photo, I love playing on Lightroom and VSCO with light, tint and colour to make a picture look softly ethereal. Those are creative processes. So I am in no way criticising this phenomenon of perfect digital beauty. I am not one to draw pitchforks and whine about how they shouldn’t be posting themselves looking perfect online. We always make influencers the Big, Bad They. They are our favourite scapegoats. To me, that is a rather powerless, self-victimising mentality. I believe in taking responsibility for who I base my aspirations on. When a woman online looks beautiful, I appreciate it as digital art and I move on, instead of the fool’s work of comparing. When a woman whom I personally know in real life - a friend, a mentor, or someone I encounter in the flesh - looks beautiful, THAT is something that deeply moves me and catches my fancy. That’s whose secrets I want to know.

And the things I get to hear are nothing short of gorgeous. I am sharing a tiny list below, purely from memory, from these conversations.

~ A beautician who was waxing me. She had amazing skin. I translate what she said to me in Hindi to English - I always keep my gut and digestion clean, and I rub ice on my face every morning, Madam, that’s all.

~ A dear friend whom I adore, whose radiant glow is gorgeous - I take afternoon naps everyday. My husband jokes about how I have the best life in this house. Most people don’t understand how important this is, but I take them unapologetically, anyway.

~ Another friend who once had the most gruesome phase of acne, and now has flawless complexion - I care for my gut health seriously, I embrace that women need 9-10h of sleep everyday and a lot more sleep than men, and I eat a carrot every day.

~ A fellow writer with a gorgeous, soulful Substack, whom I met on Zoom calls every week many moons ago, and I ask her “Wow, Aaliyah, you are glowing, what are you doing?” - I’ve been paying a lot of attention to sleeping more and sleeping well. It’s showing.

~ A childhood girl friend, coming in with the simplest, humblest, most ancient wisdom inherited by every Indian woman - My mother applies turmeric and milk to my face every Sunday.

~ A lovely, radiant woman in my acquaintance, talking about the secret of her glowing skin and lush, thick, waist length hair - I do a workout or take a walk every morning, the flush always makes me glow. And, well, we are Malyalis. All the fish, meat and coconut we eat everyday, and growing up slathered in coconut oil, is more than enough to glow beautifully. I am a Malyali myself, and I fully get it.

~ Emmie, who’s always juicy and glowing, and from who I cannot recall just one sentence about this because she’s taught me millions of things about deep radiance inside TDR studio, but all of her life’s work, her writing and her presence in this world will make it very obvious the secret of her radiant beauty.

The most interesting part? None of these encounters ever state a product, a brand or a certain cream that I should buy. I know radiant women who occasionally eat sugar, butter, coffee, cream, wine and indulgences of cuisine. I read something beautiful recently about how pleasure and gratitude are also energetic digestive juices, and whatever we eat with them is processed by our bodies without much harm. It really fascinates me how real conversations, that aren’t tied to content and profit, reveal so much about what being a glowing woman truly is about.